This dropped in my mailbox about 13 hours ago. It is from an unknown source. If you have any ideas to the origin of this email let me know so I can give you credit for totally destroying everything I hold dear. On that note, it's over. Keep it mad sexy robotic taco and call me when the next football season starts. If you don't know, you've been sereved:

To whatever loose record bastard is concerned:

It's come to my attention that there are a variety of rumors floating around your office that may be totally damaging to whatever honest reputation that precedes my organization, namely that it was responsible for a thrown chair that hit a girl in the back of the head at pianos, the concert goer that was kicked in the nuts at the syrup room by a hooded figure in the middle of what has been described as a "yelling fit", or that some bottle rockets were set off downstairs at Fat Baby. None could be further from truth! For those who may not understand what sort of situation could warrant outbursts of this nature and for anyone to possibly believe them, we encourage you to come and try this. We don't believe a person really needs chemicals to enjoy music, but we like to skip dinner and have two knifers and two beers and go stand about 10 feet from Danny Sleep's stack. We're not fucking around either, get right up there, everyone else is afraid. You'll see too. This is probably the knifers talking, when this band really lays into one of their songs, all the molecules in the room align and start to vibrate. Then they start to shake, until everything in the room is quaking. The room swells and bottles and pint glasses begin shattering. Then all the white dudes start dancing, and pretty soon all the chicks are having orgasms. I've never seen anything like it before. It's like a vacuum that sucks the life from the lifeless. It's massive and it is very loud, but this shit is the color of glass. Where the white light gleam meets the shadow of blue, it moves and crashes like the ocean. Danny Sleep and Gabe Sleep alone could very well send bricks flying out of the walls of the Mercury Lounge. If Sonya Sleep didn't keep it rolling together like sex… yeah, someone might get punched in the face. What? Who's fault is that anyway? Not us. Go and see. I wouldn't be surprised if Sonya, Danny, and Gabe kill people at every show. I'm not kidding. I saw Kele Okereke at one of their shows once, and Danny played this riff that set his head on fire! The rest of his friends flew apart like burnt confetti. I swear to god, it was fucking crazy. Now that we're straight, you should know that The Big Sleep is a guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer that really know how to rock and you should go see them play if you want to see something that kicks some ass for a change. Thanks.

-blackhoodcrew