New Yorkers can be fucking retarded. Seriously. If you don't already know, last week a blog titled Manhattan Carnivore popped up on the radar of the daily web junkies. The debut post featured a review of the Vicious Turns 2 party at Southpaw where Dr. Dog, Dirty On Purpose, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Saints + Lovers played. Apparently the Carnivore was none-to-pleased with the show as indicated through the labeling of the evening as "Suck Fest". Now I have no problem with someone throwing down some hater style comments, (even if it is about one of my favorite local bands) but for Christ's sake the backlash is all too redundant. Whether it is band members defending themselves, jaded hipsters who post complimentary comments without recognizing the irony in the voice of the creator or those who post merely to sound funny; you all should shut the fuck up. My point here is that everyone is fucking retarded.

So I'm a blogger. You can call me that - it doesn't affect me. You could also call me Jay Good Times - it is mildly embarrassing but slightly endearing. You can call me a talent less cum dumpster who lacks all command on the English language - I might agree with you. You can call me a hipster - frankly I could give a fuck what you call me.

The problem with a blog is that its opens up a venue for rejects to generalize which might be the worst activity of the hipster elite. Who makes up this cross section of the population? Look around folks - your friends, your enemies, the strangers you pass everyday and the person you see in the mirror. We are all part of this hipster elite. We live in Williamsburg, Green Point, Red Hook, L.E.S., Alphabet City, East Williamsburg, Astoria, Park Slope and even Jersey City. We're all a bunch of fuckheads so there is no reason to squabble over bullshit points of reference.

Sure the blog community might be made up of a group of people who gush about bands, but what is the problem there? Many bloggers write to promote things they like. Why would you want to waste your time explaining how bad something is whether its food, music, bars or blowjobs? Every once and awhile some blogs appear, much like the Carnivore, that enjoy playing devil's advocate. Why would you want to waste your time explaining how good a band is if there are already countless sights blowing the boys of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah? The point is - though muddled at best - there isn't much a middle ground. You either love or you hate blogs, but the fact remains you read them.

Now here is my generalization - we're all a bunch of idiots. We play into the games. We get upset with anonymous comments whether they are for or against. Just today I read through some of the comments posted on Carnivore and one of them (another dickless anonymous poster) self-righteously finger pointed at bloggers:

"This hipster, blogger, LES circle jerk is so fucking played. The reason for this is that nothing of any merit has evolved from this self important post NYU group of elitist jerkoffs (I went there, I know them) yet. Pontificating from their "blogs" about the "secret show" this, or the "tickets for this bowery show" that."

This is so typical. Thanks for being more unoriginal than the corn in this mornings bathroom session. This kid must eat pieces of shit for breakfast. Have some balls!

But this burns me because I've struggled ever since I moved out here in 1999. Life hasn't been easy, but I managed to pay my way through school (with help from the loan sharks), get a job, get a second job, pay my rent and stay close to my NYU elitist jerkoff friends all the while having a kick ass time. I've come to grips with the idea that New Yorkers are bitches and this shouldn't be taken personally. We all need to calm the fuck down and in the fashion of my parent's generation - start to love.

So the fact remains that we may be a bunch of fucking idiots, but we're in this together. Yes, this group of fucking retards is bonded by the music - for better or for worse. To the outside world we are junkies. They don't understand half the shit we discuss. They don't know why we waste our time and money going to shows, drinking beers, listening to records and reading blogs. We are better than them, but they'll never know it. So quit hating because you don't write a blog, you write everyday, you don't have money, you are rich, you are unemployed, you are overworked, you like The Killers, you hate The Bravery, you only buy vinyl, you download, you read NME, you own every copy of Mojo, you play guitar, you can't even sing karaoke, you own a white belt, you have a mullet, you go to Misshapes, you DJ CD's, you work at a club, you are in a band, you work at MTV, you work at MNN, you drink at Max Fish, you drink at Union Pool. It's a waste of everyone's time. You aren't cool. You aren't unique. Deal with it. I've moved on. You should too.

Wow, that really doesn't make any sense, but it was fun to write. Fuck you!