As I sit here humping my desk in my windowless office, Dinosaur Jr.'s "Feel The Pain" comes across the WOXY airwave and my door gets shut for a mild rock out session. This title pinpoints my reaction to the past couple days of press on Coldplay's 'fuck the man,' attitude that has permeated through various news outlets. It seems like Chris Martin's rebel attitude is the biggest media ploy coming from U.K. shores since Pete Libertines' Far East rehab trip. None of this really matters to me because I could give a shit about the band, but when they are a headline on every news site its difficult to ignore. Here just a few of the Headlines.

:: Rage Against the Machine! ::
:: Coldplay Frontman Turns on 'Evil' Doers ::
:: British Band Coldplay Irked by Corporate Pressures ::
:: Coldplay Attack 'Corporate Evil' ::

Does anyone see the calculation in these comments? Sure, Martin may be upset by all the talk that EMI's future might rest on their scrawny shoulders, but that story is a dinosaur at this point. Isn't it water under the bridge? Why does the press dwell on story, because it draws readers? Why does Martin continue to comment on the subject, because it draws attention? Why doesn't EMI speak out in their defense? Because the more time their band stays in the headlines, the more attention they'll receive which will should translate into bigger sales. It's not like they're in the press for Michael Jackson related reasons. No, they are in the press because they are fighting the system. They are selling this new record on a 'fuck all' front that doesn't make any sense to me.

Did Chris dream up this press blitz after a conversation with Sam Edincott? If you've already forgotten (and most of us have tried), The Bravery were called out by Brandon Flowers of The Killers on or around the date The Bravery's debut record dropped on Island. Is it a coincidence that Island is home to The Killers? My guess is no. Do you think they had a phone conversation prior to launching into this public battle?

Sam: Hi, is Brandon home?

Brandon's Mom: I'm not certain. Let me check. (In the distance: Brandon!)

Brandon: Yellow, Brandon here.

Sam: Hey, this is Sam from The Bravery. We have a record coming out tomorrow and Island thinks it would be a good idea if we got some sort of public tiff going with one of our label mates, but Fall Out Boy and Sum 41 both laughed at us. Can you help us out?

Brandon: Well, we are bad boys. Did you see the eyeliner I had on for the Spin photo shoot?

Sam: Yeah, it looked great. What was it?

Brandon: Well, we took the first shots with Maybelline, but when we got the proofs I didn't think it accentuated my natural color enough so I made them regroup for another shoot. The second time around we used MAC, and I looked fabulous.

Sam: Do you have a hookup there? I could really use some stuff that won't run at shows. It gets hot under all those lights.

Brandon: Don't I know it. Yeah, I'll call my girl and have her send some your way. No problem. Oh, this reminds me your hair always looks great. Rarely do you lose shape. I know you are going for the whole Misfits widows' peak now, but when you had that Asian street racer hair, what kind of gel did you use?

Sam: Funny enough Brandon, LA Looks was one of our earliest sponsors. My sister does their marketing. Since some people seem to think we have an 80's revivalist thing going, she thought this would be a good idea. It seems unfounded, but it's scored me tons of blow jobs so I'm going with it.

Brandon: Don't I know it.

Sam: So can you beef us in the press?

Brandon: No problemo.

Sam: Thanks buddy. Skank ya' later.

Brandon: Word to your mother.

Anyway, I wouldn't begin to deny the possibility that EMI asked Martin to run with this story. They are in dire straights, and if Coldplay could save them, piles of press will help. Only time will tell, but like I said; this band means dick to me.