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Gore Abandons Demos For A Real Party.
 In a unique turn of events Al Gore has abandoned the Democratic Party. Gore was spotted at the Bush twins' celebration party in a downtown Washington D.C. club last night. As a familiar N.W.A. song flooded the house, Gore was seen stumbling to the bar and screaming his own version of track; "Straight out of Texas, with a brother named George Bush." When reached for comment, former Vice-President Gore said, "Tipper is such a stuck up cunt. I don't know what she has against the blacks making music. Do you hear the power in this cut? For some stupid reason the lower class is really angry. I sleep better at night knowing they'll never make a difference." After some prodding, the last democratic nominee for president said, “Look at the last election in comparisons to 2004. Middle America is still voting for Bush. They love that old S.O.B., and no one knows why. Republican’s have it made. If the pussy “demofags” had any balls they would grow balls bigger than Cheney and Rove combined.” Then Gore snagged three vodka tonics and shuffled back to the middle of the dance floor where he was greeted with kisses by Jenna Bush.
 Gore and Jenna Bush were cozying up for most of the evening. On another trip to the bar, we had a chance to ask Big Al his opinion in regards to the first daughters. Gore replied, “Barbara definitely has serious D.S.L. (which he later explained meant dick sucking lips), but if you asked me, I am definitely a Jenna kind of guy. Did you see the rack of lamb on that girl? Those are some milk fed jugs.” As the evening progressed Gore was seen leading the crowd through his own version of the Electric Slide before taking Jenna to a private V.I.P. room. Nearly an hour later Jenna came running from the room with disheveled hair and her top left open. Many witnesses confirmed she was crying. When Gore emerged five minutes later we attempted to reach him for comment. While straightening his belt, Gore quipped “If Jenna wasn’t so damn Christian I could confirm her carpet matching the drapes. See that’s the only problem I’m having with my future father-in-law. If his moral projections prevent the girls from letting me take both of them for a test drive, how am I to make a decision between the two." In a quick fit of fustration, Gore sneered, "Fuck this, where the hell did Barbara go?” With Gore disappearing back into the fray, we can’t help but think he is taking the hopes of a future Democratic President with him.
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