My New Favorite Blog.
Go to Casa de Punk right now and read his most recent post. It feels like something I would have written. It makes me feel bad, but at the same time it completely redeems me. It’s nice to know that I'm not the only wannabe nice guy out there. Its true. Though I try my hardest to be sweet and sincere, I find myself doing the wrong thing more often than not. Why is that? Can anyone tell me? What the fuck is wrong with me? As many of you already know, I'm what doctor's call girl crazy, but as soon as one gets close to me, I find some dumbass reason to push them away. Is there any hope for me? I'm guessing no, but why is that?
Can I break this down? Should I try to dissect? Probably not, but my boss is out sick today so I've got some time.
First of all, what’s the deal with dating? Am I the only one who is sick of this practice? Maybe it isn't so much the idea of dating that makes me never want to get out of bed, but quite possibly the act itself. I must choose my words wisely here because I'd say that I'm seeing someone now. You know who you are, so please don't take any of this personally. This is just me ranting, and I'm happy where we are, but that doesn't change how I feel about dating. My jadedness toward dating could stem from the fact that I've been doing it for over a few years now. As some of you might remember, my last serious lady friend used to live with me on 12th Street and as trying as that whole situation was on a 20 year old kid, I'd like to give it another shot just to see if I'm still capable of those emotions. Since that time there has been different girls who have come and go (including some incredibly sweet ones), but I've yet to feel that same connection that got me so dedicated to my X. There are girls out there, who have me by the balls, but relationships with them have never worked out and I'm finally realizing that they never will. So here I stand, left in dating limbo. Forced to hide feelings, protect my interests and at the same time convey to a young lady that I do care about them without letting my guard down.
You may ask why do you have to put up a guard? Well my friends, I don't listen to emo (despite my affinity for Seth Cohen) and I was never one to wear my heart on my sleeve. My Grandfather was a man of little emotion, and he tried his hardest to pass that down to me. His old school attitude (he lived from 1901-1997) severely rubbed off on his only grandson, Jay M. Belin. So I've never been one to cry, use the word love lightly or even show my emotions outside of being perturbed. In no way am I a tough guy, but my up bringing is the root of my inability to convey my true feelings. This hasn't always been the case, and I've laid things on the line before, but these kinds of chances have only served as a recipe for thickening my skin.
So what the fuck does any of this mean? Right now I can't answer question. Having idle time to mill over it doesn't really help out. Distraction has been the only means of keeping my sanity throughout the years, but now it seems as though these distractions have substituted meaningful relationships which doesn't seem all too healthy. I'm so fucking tired of being distracted, and in the middle of a city with millions of other people, I'm tired of being empty.
Ok, so there has been an inner deliberation regarding this post, but I'm going to throw it up anyway. It's not the best decision I've made today, but it is the first. Did it make any sense? At this point I could give a shit.
Thanks to Casa de Punk for provoking this. I won't be lucky enough to score a lesbian girlfriend like yourself, but everyone should have those simple pleasures. And you mentioned the O.C. Fuck yeah!
Go to Casa de Punk right now and read his most recent post. It feels like something I would have written. It makes me feel bad, but at the same time it completely redeems me. It’s nice to know that I'm not the only wannabe nice guy out there. Its true. Though I try my hardest to be sweet and sincere, I find myself doing the wrong thing more often than not. Why is that? Can anyone tell me? What the fuck is wrong with me? As many of you already know, I'm what doctor's call girl crazy, but as soon as one gets close to me, I find some dumbass reason to push them away. Is there any hope for me? I'm guessing no, but why is that?
Can I break this down? Should I try to dissect? Probably not, but my boss is out sick today so I've got some time.
First of all, what’s the deal with dating? Am I the only one who is sick of this practice? Maybe it isn't so much the idea of dating that makes me never want to get out of bed, but quite possibly the act itself. I must choose my words wisely here because I'd say that I'm seeing someone now. You know who you are, so please don't take any of this personally. This is just me ranting, and I'm happy where we are, but that doesn't change how I feel about dating. My jadedness toward dating could stem from the fact that I've been doing it for over a few years now. As some of you might remember, my last serious lady friend used to live with me on 12th Street and as trying as that whole situation was on a 20 year old kid, I'd like to give it another shot just to see if I'm still capable of those emotions. Since that time there has been different girls who have come and go (including some incredibly sweet ones), but I've yet to feel that same connection that got me so dedicated to my X. There are girls out there, who have me by the balls, but relationships with them have never worked out and I'm finally realizing that they never will. So here I stand, left in dating limbo. Forced to hide feelings, protect my interests and at the same time convey to a young lady that I do care about them without letting my guard down.
You may ask why do you have to put up a guard? Well my friends, I don't listen to emo (despite my affinity for Seth Cohen) and I was never one to wear my heart on my sleeve. My Grandfather was a man of little emotion, and he tried his hardest to pass that down to me. His old school attitude (he lived from 1901-1997) severely rubbed off on his only grandson, Jay M. Belin. So I've never been one to cry, use the word love lightly or even show my emotions outside of being perturbed. In no way am I a tough guy, but my up bringing is the root of my inability to convey my true feelings. This hasn't always been the case, and I've laid things on the line before, but these kinds of chances have only served as a recipe for thickening my skin.
So what the fuck does any of this mean? Right now I can't answer question. Having idle time to mill over it doesn't really help out. Distraction has been the only means of keeping my sanity throughout the years, but now it seems as though these distractions have substituted meaningful relationships which doesn't seem all too healthy. I'm so fucking tired of being distracted, and in the middle of a city with millions of other people, I'm tired of being empty.
Ok, so there has been an inner deliberation regarding this post, but I'm going to throw it up anyway. It's not the best decision I've made today, but it is the first. Did it make any sense? At this point I could give a shit.
Thanks to Casa de Punk for provoking this. I won't be lucky enough to score a lesbian girlfriend like yourself, but everyone should have those simple pleasures. And you mentioned the O.C. Fuck yeah!
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